Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
