If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
