Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
