where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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