whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
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