I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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