I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
