I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
