Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
