How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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