Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
