In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
