The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
