I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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