saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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