and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
