yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
