i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
