Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
