Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
