I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
