It's Friday. Sex?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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