Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
