Four minutes until I can fart!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
