she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
