I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
