Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
