every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
