Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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