You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
