i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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