do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
