Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
