the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
