The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
