Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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