i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I met the friendliest cop last night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
