I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
