I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
