My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
