he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
