I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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