I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
