I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
try to milk me bitch
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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