i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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