She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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