Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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