One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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