fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
