Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
